I’m looking for a way out. In the mist of the storm it’s so hard to wait on the Lord. I’m not losing faith, it’s the control in me that makes me want to think of an alternate plan. I want to be aligned with what God wants. It’s hard not knowing for sure where I stand. I can’t desert a friend to save myself? I can’t hear what God is telling me. In the mist of the storm my mind goes unsteadily. I can’t see what’s before me. My body just wants relief. I’m crying out to God for instruction. “Please help me Lord I’m drowning.” Do I even deserve to be saved? Do I even deserve His grace? For the mess of me, for the mess I’ve become, for not wanting hardship or struggle. I again desperately need you Lord. So very desperately need you God. I can’t be for him what he needs, because I can’t be for me what I need. So, hurt that I had so many plans and back to where I was before, I’m so scared to stand. I’m sinking, the pain is unbelievable, I can’t see the end of this. I’m not losing faith, I’m a human being, full of sin and regret, full of resentment and contempt. I just want to release it all. I’m finding it hard to give it to God, and I have more faith than the size of that mustard seed. I need God’s breath to be the life of me.
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." ~Matthew 17:20~
Keisha
No comments:
Post a Comment