Thursday, January 30, 2014

The Mind of Juvenile Serial Killers.

The new-aged serial killer has changed. It's surprising that the term "serial killer" is not likely used when discussing this topic. The characteristics have also changed in that the majority of serial killers were usually white and between the ages of early twenties to mid thirties. They are much younger now.  The one characteristic that has maintained the "status quo" is that most of the new-aged serial killers are still males from homes that induce characteristics of low self-esteem from emotionally or physically abusive parents. They may have little to no supervision and are generally seen as raising themselves and fending for themselves.  They gravitate to like-minded peers who enforce the need for power and control. Nine out of ten of them actively use drugs with marijuana and/or alcohol being there chosen drug of choice.  Most of the time they grow up in an environment that encourages drug use. Unlike serial killers in the past they are fine with committing an offense alone or with a group of their peers. They are also usually raised in a single parent home. Majority of them seem to come from a single parent home of an under-educated parent, or parent going back to school as an adult. These young men consider themselves to be the "man of the house." And will usually engage in verbal or physical altercations with their parents or parent's significant other. Especially, if the significant other is a recent move-in and hasn't been involved in the child's up-bringing. Most often they may have witnessed a parent being abused by a significant other at a young age which builds anger within that juvenile. Like the past serial killers they have childhood issues of bullying, bed-wetting, cruelty to animals and fire starting.  The new-aged serial killer is impulsive, hates authority figures, has multiple school issues which may include suspensions and dropping out of school. They are sometimes gang affiliated these days and will kill for the defense of what they call their "family." They most always have no remorse unless arrested and more so for being caught and not the actual offense. They are manipulative, most often intelligent, and some are leaders to their peers.   Most often they partake in behaviors trying to hide there true deficits which seems to be insecurity and fear. When at home they probably isolate themselves or seem secretive, or they may be the one who sets the mood in the home environment (if they are happy everyone is if they aren't no on is). They love violent video games and become desensitized by viewing these things.

What Parents Should Pay Attention To: sometimes in this hectic world it's easy to not notice what may seem insignificant. Here are some things as a parent that should be noticed!

1. Change in friends or peers who give off a "weird vibe." Follow your gut instincts.
2. Ethical or moral changes in your child. Lying when they didn't used to lie. Stealing when they didn't used to steal. Change in how they relate to you. If they used to be respectful and are now using profanity in your presence when that didn't used to occur. If a child uses profanity in front of a parent and this is okayed by the parent....this is an issues and the parent should seek out parental counseling. Sometime stessful events can trigger moral or ethical changes like parents going through a divorce, loss of a family member, school issues, loss of boyfriend/girlfriend. Whatever the case, if it is distressing enough your child will need counseling.
3. Change in school behavior. Grades going down are a great indication that something is wrong. Skipping school, not wanting to go to school when going to school had never been an issue before. Getting suspended or expelled from school is an indication that something is not right.  This is probably one of the most "missed" tall tell signs that something wrong is going on with your child.
4. The use of drugs. Don't let the "it's just marijuana" stigma get you. It's not just marijuana (meaning this is detrimental to developing brains!!!)
5. They used to communicate with you and now they don't.
6. There whereabouts are unknown. This could be for hours or days. A parent should always know where there juvenile is and what they are doing.
6. They are promiscuous, or have sex offenses against younger juveniles. Some of them have been victims of sex abuse themselves.
7. They have had trouble with the law.

What to do if these things occur?
1. Counseling. A juvenile like the one I have described  isn't going to just go to a counselor and tell everything and be fine. It may take months for them to open up. They also are not going to confide in a therapist who goes back and tells the parents everything they've told them. So, it should be a therapist that both child and parent trust.
2. Get counseling for yourself. It really helps a counselor to see the parent individually and juvenile individually. It sheds a lot of light on the situation. However, again if you work really well with the counselor, but your juvenile seems to have issue with them. It may be necessary to see if another therapist in the office can work with the juvenile. The therapist can still consult with each other on treatment plans. 
3. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR CHILD.........  sometimes it's as simple as spending time with your child. Eating dinner together, going on a walk, watching a movie together, playing a board game, beating them at there own video game will rack up huge points with them. But be involved its very important for their development.
4. Know who there friends are. Invite there friends over for dinner. Have conversations with them. Talk to their parents. Talking to your child's friends parents will shed light on what type of environment there friend comes from. If you find out information you don't like don't forbid them from seeing this individual, just voice your concerns. Tell them to watch out for things that you notice. Sometimes forbidding makes it more adventurous. A parent can control this situation from the home. Limit the amount of time they spend with the unwanted guest. By spending more time with your child.
5. Keep your juvenile busy. Whatever they like to do;SUCK IT UP AND LET THEM. If they want to play a musical instrument. Rent one if you can't afford it. If they like to paint, invest in canvases, paints and materials. If they like poetry by them journals. If he wants to wear black nail polish buy it for him!
6. Support your juvenile in whatever crazy idea they have, unless its going to cause them or others danger or get them arrested. Being supportive means listening to them. Most of the time your juvenile is going to tell you there plan before they actually partake in it. Really listen to them, because that is the key to understanding where there thoughts are and their emotional state. Be open minded and try NOT to be hard on them or they won't come to you for wise counsel in the future. Also try NOT to be to soft either, because you are not your child's friend, you are the parent!

7. Pray....

Saturday, January 25, 2014

A Letter To All The Absent Fathers

A letter to every father who never loved his daughter enough to stay:

When I was a child I would look out the window hoping you would come see me.  I wondered what was so wrong with me that you would desert me.  Or what was so great to keep you away.  As I got older I wanted to attend the daddy daughter dance, but I didn't have a daddy to go with.  I never had the chance to hug you goodnight.  I never got to hear you say you were proud of me.  I went through a lot of bad guys, because I never had an example of a good one.  I'm so afraid of being alone now, because I never got to see what a real relationship looked like.  I'm still very uncomfortable around men, because I never knew what it was like to have one in my life.  It's hard for me to accept compliments from men, because I never heard you say I was pretty.  I never saw you in the stands cheering me on.  There will always be a void.  I will always hurt, but I am working on living and being a good women.  I wonder how the days can go by and you never worry about if I am healthy, if I am eating, if I am just okay.  How can you sleep at night not knowing you have a kind hearted, loving, caring daughter who wanted to love you back?  I live with the hope that if you had to do it all over again, you would choose to be my daddy and
never leave me......

Friday, January 10, 2014


I have to start out by saying that the following is my own opinion. That I don't have any scientific data to back up my findings.  That what I am about to say is truth as I see things and have personally experienced them.

I have a bias towards black people, because I am black. I feel more comfortable most of the time surrounding myself with people of my same ethnicity.  However, there are times when I don't feel comfortable and basically some of them get on my nerves.  I have so many issues with white people. And it stems from my early years and the discrimination that I was subjected to.  I love all people. I love people of all colors who are kind, nice, thoughtful, and helpful; people who are genuinely good people.  I can't stand people who are raciest. It builds some kind of hatred up inside of me.  The very same hatred that I can't stand.  I guess the point I am trying to make is...being black I never lived in the 50's, so I didn't experience that time.  People think we've come out of the trenches and have some how fought the good fight and are doing so much better in this life....We have a black president!?!  From Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to  Mandela and now President Obama...We still have a lot more journey ahead.  We still have more roads to cover.  It will never be easy and this battle will never be won.  As long as the devil gets to play, some things change and some things stay the same.

In my daily living I have learned that it doesn't matter what kind of car I drive, where I live, who I work for, or what I do.  I will always be black and ever so often I will be reminded of that fact.

So, steps to continuing this journey.
1. What Dr. King was saying is accept people for who they are.
2. What Nelson Mandela was saying is to be kind to everyone and open your heart to the unknown even if it is frightening.
3. Be a positive example. It really does take one person to start something that can change the world (President Obama).
4. Don't hold your negativity in. Don't be an undercover raciest. Talk about your feelings in an arena of diverse individuals who will welcome the conversation. Knowledge is power. Ignorance is defeated with knowledge.
5. Love yourself and love others as well. Sometime we can love our own so much that we exclude others.
6. Self-examination is so powerful.  However, you really have to be ready to take a good look at yourself....the positive and the negative.  Denial is that we don't want to acknowledge the negative things about ourselves and admit that we are wrong in our beliefs.
7. Pray. In all that you do. To aspire and achieve to be the best person we can.